The Beeching Wound
 

I don’t know if you managed to catch Ian Hislop’s BBC Four documentary last week, examining the contribution or otherwise of Dr Richard Beeching to Britain’s railways. Alongside the fanatics, quite a few non-gricers have mentioned it to me in the last few days, and understandably even they were gripped by the story.

The scene at Midford, Somerset, where the GWR's Limpley Stoke to Camerton line once passed under the Somerset & Dorset main line between Bournemouth and Bath. The latter was a Beeching casulty of 1966. (Compare this to the same scene in the opening of the 1952 film 'The Titfield Thunderbolt'.)It’s a subject I could write about every night. But what’s interesting about others' responses is a gradual reshaping (if I may use Beeching’s own euphemism) of the way we’re coming to view what Beeching did, and our railways in general.

Romantics and railway enthusiasts, not to mention any one of the millions of unfortunates who surrendered 2363 railway stations in the ‘60s, have long been aware of precisely what was lost to the notorious axe. But against a background of rising fuel prices and heightened concern for the environment, people are at last starting to attach some sort of present day value to that loss; a realisation of what we could have had today had it not been for the politics of the time. In complete contrast to the unstinting belief in the private car of Beeching's time, we’re now genuinely starting to view the railways as a tool for our future.

Barnstaple Town in 1970.This weekend I found myself in Barnstaple, for reasons not dissimilar to the last visit I told you about. Pop down for the weekend pre-1966, and you’d find a busy railway town, where the Great Western’s line from Taunton joined the London & South Western Railway’s line from Exeter towards Ilfracombe, Bideford, Bude and Padstow (to say nothing of the little line to Lynton, closed in 1935).


Beeching's initial proposals around Barnstaple.

Barnstaple’s a remarkable survivor of the railway map. Today, it’s the remote, northern-most extremity of Devon as far as trains are concerned, the end of ‘The Withered Arm’, a mere branch line from Exeter. The lines north and west, though main-line holiday routes from London (and the very things that kept resorts alive on the northern coast of Devon and Cornwall), were casualties of Beeching’s report. They may have done an immeasurable turn for the public, but they didn’t turn a profit for a government which demanded that its nationalised railway should.

The only time I've been delighted to stand on a train...For similar reasons, perhaps more understandably in the privatised era, passengers on the remaining portion have had to fight hard to keep their railway. How thoroughly satisfying, then, that we weren’t able to get a seat…

In marked contrast to my visit eighteen months ago (when clipboards were out noting passengers by the handful), a rainy October’s morning produced loadings to die for. Apparently it’s entirely typical of the railway today, to the point that we were warned by local people to “get to the station early”. Who knows, the line might even turn the kind of profit that Beeching and his superiors were looking for (his ‘reshaped’ railway never did, incidentally).

The line at Umberleigh.For the punter, the attractions of this beautiful line are many, though in recent times I suspect fares have waved the winning hand. My £4.60 return fare between Barnstaple and Exeter (which, by the way, I can break as many times to enjoy local villages… and pubs), compares to costs of something like £17.50 for fuel alone for the same journey by car. Throw in parking in Exeter, plus the wear-and-tear of an arduous journey, you wouldn’t get much change from £25. On average, it’s a minute faster by train, too…

Granted, not every part of our railway offers such value for money these days. But here’s an obvious example of where Beeching’s sparing has proved such a blessing that it makes one shudder to think how much else he might have usefully kept for the future. Given the chance, how many people in nearby Bideford might have used their line today? Or Bude? Or Padstow? Or Ashburton, Buckfastleigh, Churston, Dorchester West, Evercreech Junction, Freshford, etc…

The people of Barnstaple, as elsewhere, view the railway as a good thing; it’s something they want to use. They’ve started to look to the future in a way that Beeching never did; his short-sightedness could never foresee the transport dilemma people face today, just as it could never envisage railways as the solution. The faith and money invested by the government of the time in promoting the private motor car has quite literally backfired into the world of today’s motorist. Alongside the crippling price of fuel, we drive through cities, towns and villages – from Chesterfield to Tiverton, from Gloucester to Loudwater - quite literally using the course of the old railway lines we should be riding by train today. What a double whammy.

I should mention that you can see Hislop’s thoughts on the BBC iPlayer if you didn’t catch them first time around. If only everything was so easy to reclaim…

The former station platform at Merstone Junction, Isle of Wight.

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Secret Policeman's Ball
 


Secret Policeman's Ball 2008
Originally uploaded by Dayorama
See it on telly then? Or were you, like OJ and myself, lucky enough to be inside the Royal Albert Hall for Amnesty International's signature live show?

If only we'd each known the other was there. We were sat up in the same tier of the hall and probably glided past each other in the corridors at some point, but only afterwards did we piece together that we'd both attended.

The only live stand-up I've seen in my life, till Saturday night at least, has been Bill Bailey. Which is a very high bar to set, since the man's a genius, but I'd been looking forward to this night for ages.

Frank Skinner kicked off proceedings following by Ed Byrne, each act getting no more than five or ten minutes to thrust their wares forth from one of two stages. Alongside the audience inside the Albert Hall, the event was being broadcast live to cinema screens in the UK, Canada and Australia - and you might have seen the edited version on Channel 4 on Sunday night.

Eddie Izzard rounded things off with a sketch based on Noah's Ark. I've got a small but perfectly formed collection of Izzard stuff from the 1990s and have always wanted to see him live. Fifteen or 20 minutes wasn't really enough - in fact I'm not sure it was for Izzard, who had to appear straight after the dismally serious and stale Germaine Greer, let alone me.

Greer had been stitched up to an extent by getting the "here's the message about how you must support Amnesty" gig. But there are ways and means of delivering that. Hectoring, minutes from the close of an event dedicated to stand-up, may not be the wisest approach (and it's not necessarily Germaine Greer who chose that approach, but it didn't work). By contrast, getting the entire arena to text their support for Iranian women was a clever, quick technological win.

At least Greer inadvertently gave us the best moment of the night, courtesy also of Jason Manford, who had already won me over by telling us he supported Manchester City. I was laughing loud and long at every sentence - even the ones that weren't jokes - out of moral support, but helpfully he was also very funny so I didn't look too odd. Gags about Sky Sports News probably only serve a niche audience but a quick sample of Manchester City-supporting sports journalists reveals they certainly enjoyed it.

Manford closed his act with the suggestion that a kick in the knackers is more painful than childbirth. His ultimate justification for this was that while women will turn to their partners a few years after their first child and suggest they do it again, nobody has ever heard a man demand a second swift knee in the crotch.

At that point Manford, having roundly belittled the entire female gender, left the stage to much applause. Within seconds, Germaine Greer had appeared and launched into her Amnesty mantra. The spectacle of the world's most formidable feminist being forced to follow a gag about childbirth (one that involved a reference to "cum in the eye" as an alternative for the most painful thing a woman can endure) will live with me for a long time.

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