That gargantuan monster is perched down the other end of the bed from me, a few hours after we both underwent a bilateral partial nail ablation.

In plain English, someone ripped my toenail out and burnt the nail root at the sides to stop it growing back.

Happily it wasn't just any old someone, it was a very experienced specialist in Milton Keynes who seemed to know what he was doing. That said, it took them five injections to numb my toe - normally they only do two, and I do now apparently hold a record for the Most Stubborn Toe in Britain.

At the moment the freshly pillaged toe is trying desperately to recover under that dressing. Hopefully it'll heal in the next few weeks and I'll be finally rid of the ingrowing toenails that have plagued me for the last, well, eight or nine years.

I was fifteen, maybe sixteen, when I had my left big toe operated on after a good few months' pain. Then two and a half years ago I had to have my right big toe done for the same reason. Alas, it grew back - the doctor who operated hadn't removed the nail root to stop that happening, and frankly I'm glad he didn't, since the anaesthetic wore off during that operation. I've never known agony like it before or since.

Today's operation put 2005's botched job to rights, or at least I hope it did. Only time will tell. I'm told I have a broad nail root and a way of walking that makes me particularly susceptible to these but, given they've both now been properly surgically removed, I'd like to think the nightmare is over.

Not for you it isn't, though. Are you brave enough to take a look at the toe before today's operation? If you're wondering what a particularly hideous ingrown toenail looks like after two years of malignant growth, all you have to do is click here. Dare you.

Oh and if you want to see what it looked like in 2004, before the first operation, click here. And don't say I never provide informative photos.