You have to pity the few remnants of the Barmy Army still to be found sat in various Aussie cricketing stadia, watching 2005's heroes cementing their position as 2007's laughing stock.

Not only have they had to contend with a run of performances not seen since George Bingham first suggested to the other 600 members of his light brigade that there was nothing for it but a good old-fashioned charge.

Nope - now our beleaguered England fans Down Under can't even get pissed and fart around like morons, thus losing their one great love aside from cricket: the Aussie authorities have banned the Mexican wave!

Now to you or I, that sounds like an unbelievably killjoy attitude from a nation just about to finish wiping the floor with some of the most spineless cricketers produced since the short-lived Grass Snake XI.

But apparently the Aussie version of the Mexican wave isn't just a statement of utter tedium brought on by the sporting "event" in question - it's an excuse to lob your food at the nearest small child, says Australian columnist Malcolm Conn:

Anyone who wants to complain about the banning of the Mexican wave by cricket authorities should turn their anger towards their fellow spectators.

Sections of the outer at some one-day international matches are yobbo-infested cesspools of drunkenness, foul language and sprayed beer.

During my time as a father of young children who loved cricket, I was reluctant to take them into the outer at the Melbourne Cricket Ground during a one-day match. It could be unpleasant, unsavoury and dangerous.

Being showered with beer, food, rubbish and, in some cases, urine from yobbos relieving themselves in their empty beer cups, takes all the fun out of a Mexican wave.

[source: The Australian - 'Yobbos ruin game for true fans']

You can see why, in that light, the Mexican wave is slightly less appealing. But over on the other side of the fence - well away from cans of urine - Sydney Morning Herald columnist Philip Derriman says the tide should turn in favour of the wave:

Recently, the SCG [a cricket ground] did something else which has proved more successful than all the other measures combined: it restricted everyone outside the members' area to light beer. Not a huge change, you might think, replacing beer that's around 5 per cent alcohol with beer close to 3 per cent. But the effect has been profound.

Since the change was introduced in all public areas at the SCG last summer, unruly behaviour has all but disappeared.

In fact, there wasn't a single arrest during the recent Test, or during last week's one-dayer against England. No spectator did anything bad enough to warrant it. All of which confirms what everyone has known, that alcohol is the root cause of crowd problems.

In light of this, the SCG should now consider relaxing the ban on the popular Mexican wave. Cricket Australia, not the SCG, ordered the ban, apparently because drunks were using the Mexican wave leap as an opportunity to shower people around them with chips and beer.

Now that the beer is light, the wave ought to be trouble-free.

[source: Sydney Morning Herald - 'It's safe to revive the Mexican wave']

The solution, surely, is to adopt the straps used by Nintendo Wii controllers? Despite early technical problems they've done a fine job of keeping every gamer's Wii under control:

Strap one of those puppies on and you can leap up as many times as you like, but the beer - or any other contents - stay about your person. I thank you.