I've been trying to refrain from writing this for over an hour but Virgin have now lobbed sufficient straw on this camel's back for me to get the hump.

Ultimately, the foul mood I'm in as we sit at Birmingham New Street is in some respects my fault. I booked the ticket for this train a couple of weeks in advance and, when I went to Newcastle, forgot my Young Persons' Railcard, which is lying on a bookshelf at home.

That's cost me £32 tonight, thanks to the conductress aboard this train, who saw no room for leniency and charged me the excess when I couldn't produce the railcard.

This means that, in total, the round trip has cost me over £100. The original fare was £66.40, plus a small booking fee, which I personally thought more than enough given I could probably get a cheaper flight. (And I will be doing, next time, even if the flight's more expensive, or I'll go with GNER. I've had it with these idiots.)

I would be holding my hands up and admitting fault over the railcard - indeed I already have done - but circumstances are starting to make me feel cheated of every single penny.

For a start we're now well over an hour late, and have been since just after my journey started. I won't get to my car in Reading until well after 11pm, a good 90 minutes later than scheduled. Frankly I hope it's more than two hours late so I can reclaim the entire bloody fare.

Secondly, we've just been held up at Birmingham New Street waiting for a connecting service from Manchester. This train has now officially become the Manchester Piccadilly to Southampton service, with all the folk from the Manchester train boarding this one.

This train is thus packed full once again, and furthermore - hilariously - the old reservations on this train have been replaced by ones from the Manchester service.

This has had the unbelievable effect of changing the display above my seat: where once it was reserved for me from Newcastle to Reading, it is now "available until Stockport"! We're going the other bloody way! These incompetent cretins have charged me a three-figure sum to take away my seat on a severely delayed train!

The final insult is the buffet, or lack thereof - not that I have the slightest intention of spending a penny in their toilet, let alone an extortionate sum in their shop. There was no hot food until Birmingham, a situation Virgin have rectified by refusing to offer any food or drink past New Street. That means nothing at all for the remaining two hours (at least) this service has to run. Is that even legal?

When the lady charged me the excess I handed over the money on the grounds it was a fair cop and she was just doing her job. But no. No, they haven't done their jobs on this train, they've provided a crummy service tantamount to no service at all. I want my money back and, in the immortal words of every wronged British consumer, they'll be hearing from me.