I've got a great, flawless theory... (context: revising for my exams - corporate finance is clearly getting to me...)

Students are under performing apparently, right? People spend too much over Christmas? People are getting skin cancer from too much exposure to the sun (this is my flaw...)? People are getting fatter as a rule?

So, you move all exams to December. This way no one wants to go out in the cold and wet. Thus, they are forced to stay inside in the warm, eating mince pies, and working. Therefore they perform better in exams. Since they have to work, they are also less tempted to go Christmas shopping and therefore they spend less money and don't end up in such high levels of debt. They may end up slightly fatter from being sedentary and eating mince pies (but surely this energy is burnt off revising?)

If you have exams in June/July, no one wants to work inside - therefore they study less. They also eat too many ice-creams (compensation for exams) and end up with over exposure in the sunshine anyway - you see they go outside to work and forget to put suncream on. They spend more at Christmas because they aren't distracted by exams and probably still eat mince pies anyway (double the eating on mince pies and ice cream)

Therefore, having exams in December would mean that the country is wealthier, more intelligent (if not slightly fatter from mince pies) and whilst they will have exposure to the sun in summer, they may remember to put sun cream on. Having exams in summer means that no body works, therefore the country is thicker. They eat too many ice-creams, spend more money at Christmas and still get sun burnt anyway.

I say we move exams to December. Sod's law this should be the last of my summers which are obliterated by exams. The other 70+ will just be obliterated by working. When you're on the 23rd floor in a tower in Canary Wharf with a/c, I don't suppose it matters what the weather is like.

I'm not bitter, honest I'm not. So, how do I apply for listing on the stock exchange, what requirements must my prospectus fulfill and what disclosure obligations must I comply with...

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And in the space of our comments, here is one oposing view (I don't have permission from the author, but I'm sure they won't mind...)

It seems to me a question of whether you can enforce productivity. To turn this on its head, you could say that it's easy to work in winter, so that's taken care of - the question is how to prevent students wasting time in their summers, when the lure of Grove Quad is strongest? The answer being, you give them exams. You say people don't work, but that's not really accurate, is it? Now people might work 20% less hard across the summer because of the distraction of the sunshine, but it's better to have that amortised by consistent work across the winter plus that Great Summer Cram. The alternative is that students do absolutely no work across the summer, because there is no incentive, and then have to work across the winter.
100% being maximum effort,

Summer Winter
Current: 80% (Damoclean fear) 70% (won't go out anyway, "cold and wet".)
Your Way: 20% (no fear, & strawberries) 100% (all pressures combined)

It would also mean starting the academic year in January, in order to finish in December,
which means the summer break's halfway through the course, and your big welcome/fresher's photo is held in the January downpour. Nor, most importantly of all, will the novices be trained up in time for Eights.

So there we are. Now, a few readers should be able to work out who wrote that. Hint: another bored trainee lawyer currently sitting exams...!