With two more series of celebs-do-tricks reaching their climax this weekend - Just The Two Of Us and Dancing On Ice (or as my family have called it more than once, without irony, 'Skating On Ice') - I thought it was time to look at what's likely to be next on the list...

What If God Was One Of Us

Premise
Celebrities try to pass themselves off as ordinary members of the public, holding down a normal job in a normal town, making normal friends and shopping in normal places. The winner is the celeb who lasts longest before someone realises who they are. This raises the prospect not only of celebrities having to suffer the ultimate insult - lack of recognition - to win, but also the possibility that some of them may never be noticed and therefore end up condemned to eke out the rest of their miserable existence as a toilet cleaner in Gateshead.

Starring
Kerry Katona (Atomic Kitten, Iceland ads, many many reality shows) as a supermarket checkout girl in Droitwich;
Patrick Stewart (Star Trek, many plays, rubbish new series on ITV that's been cancelled) as a bus driver in Hastings;
The Hamiltons (politics, several embarrassing TV documentaries and chat shows, Radio Swindon Christmas special 2005) as husband-and-wife hairdressing salon owners in Wrexham;
and Lulu (singer, Just The Two Of Us judge) as a dinnerlady in Rochdale.

Celebrity Autopsy

Premise
Groundbreaking Channel 4 series starring renowned, er, 'television autopsionist' Dr Gunther Von Hagens dishing out post-mortens to recently deceased celebrities as other celebrities watch. The winner is the last celebrity left standing. Has the advantage of potentially running for decades until the last of the initial bunch dies (or it could become like The Running Man and the audience could vote for someone to be quite literally bumped off each week).

Starring
Anyone likely to depart this mortal coil in the specified thirteen-week slot Channel 4 give the programme. So that'll be Bruce Forsyth, Pete Doherty, Ronnie Biggs, Vera Lynn...

Celebrity It's A Knockout 2006

Premise
Stuart Hall makes a welcome return to our screens fronting this legendary slapstick game show, this time with an array of D-list celebrities with nothing better to do than represent their home cities.

Starring
The casts of every soap opera going - Coronation Street representing Manchester, Eastenders for London, Emmerdale for whichever poxy Yorkshire village that is, The Archers for the Home Counties, Family Affairs for, well, god knows. Not forgetting the Holby team on their quest to convince us it really does exist as a place in Britain.

Celebrity Job Swap

Premise
Actors and actresses swap their small-screen jobs for the chance to do the real thing, then a panel of real-life judges awards them points.

Starring
Martin Shaw (Judge John Deed) as a magistrate, finding out that in actual fact life in court is less about heroic posturing once a week, and more about the umpteenth speeding conviction in one day;
Charlie out of Casualty (I don't know his real name, he's always been Charlie to me) in a failing NHS hospital trying desperately to avoid spreading MRSA to yet another ward;
and John Simm (Life On Mars) as a policeman, spending five hours filling out forms for each individual stopped and searched.

Celebrity Cheese Rolling

Premise
The stars of prime time television hurl themselves down the hills of Gloucestershire in pursuit of cheeses, in time honoured tradition. Four celebrities compete each week to set the fastest time or, at the very least, survive the course intact, before the grand final for the four quickest - chasing an edam down Kilimanjaro.

Starring
Anne Diamond, displaying a little-known positive side to her figure having quite Celebrity Fit Club, opting to barrel roll after a hapless cheddar;
Stephen Hawking, a little out of his depth from the outset before coming memorably unstuck as his wheelchair lodges itself in the entrance to a rabbit warren;
and Shelley Rudman, British skeleton bob silver medallist, putting her skills to possibly their only beneficial use as she rides her teatray to victory.