Safestyle UK. You know the adverts. A burly bloke struts around a selection of windows screaming 'YOU BUY ONE, YOU GET ONE FREE!' over and over again until you relent and decide your industrial-sized greenhouse needed re-doing anyway. Well, folks, I'm here to present a dramatic revelation to you.

Wait for it...

That man is the tannoy announcer at Burnley FC.

This was revealed to me by a gentleman asking to be identified only as Etienne De Cracy, but who in actual fact is my mate Rhys. His friend's auntie is going out with Mr Safestyle himself (real name Jeff Brown, which is a shame, as I was thinking of writing to Mr Safestyle and seeing if it worked the same as writing to Santa). What a career that man has! Half his time spent aggressively parading a selection of glasswork for television, the other half entertaining a few thousand Lancastrians with nothing better to do than watch Burnley.

I wonder if he ever gets it wrong. Maybe that'll make out-take TV one day, seeing as Carol Thatcher's wee on I'm A Celeb never will. Mr Safestyle lunging at the camera and screaming "THE FOURTH OFFICIAL HAS INDICATED THERE WILL BE TWO MINUTES OF ADDED TIME". Therapy may well be called for in later life. And that's just the viewers.